Not for my delivery expenses, but just for him. And if I forget, the bank does its nifty little overdraft protection trick to keep me in the black. I hate doing my taxes. Would our hero ever escape the villain? And as for that mysterious discrepancy in the books? I love the absolute. Its got to be in a box in the attic, alongside the bank statements, just at the top of the stairs. I did what any self-respecting, attic-fearing girl would. Id already gone through every statement, reconciling all the entries, making sure all the information was there. Recipes are for pansies. I have a guy for that. Before I dropped the ball. Like by almost twenty grand. And then there are the unpleasant reminders money spent at the ER when complications arose after my C-section. Eventually, I had to tell myself to relax my stomach muscles.

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Ah, heres the thing I forgot about. Like writing this piece, its only a little jaunt down a side path, part of my necessary procrastination. And then I got overwhelmed. I know I would. The suspense was killing. Alas, in a moment, I will resume the tedium that really does need my attention. (Where is David Lasley when you need him)? Funny, since every time I do my taxes, I scold myself for waiting this long. But looking at those financial reminders awakens something queasy and sad within. But it is one of the necessary responsibilities that I face every year about this time. At some point, I stopped doing the math and reconciling my statements. In the kitchen, anything goes, and experimentation rules supreme.


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In my day-to-day spending reality, I practice and believe this, and yet, here in the paperwork, theres that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. For that moment, the sick feeling lifted, and I really did feel the gratitude and blessing of it all. Last night, in an attempt to regain control and get every account balanced to the penny again, I found it an impossibility in my two personal accounts. What a sweet surprise. Usually, I delight in the deposits, and get anxious over the expenditures. I was talking to a friend yesterday morning about our shared loathing for tax time. Then I pulled out the last bank statements I received. It was like I was reading a book, someone elses story, and I had no idea of the outcome. Theres an emotional element that seems out of place here, even ridiculous, and yet, I cant shake. So now, it was just a matter of the math. I try to look at this history with gratitude. I consider myself a person who deals with life pretty well on najat vallaud belkacem salope putas lleida an emotional and spiritual level. Chug, chug, crunch, crunch. I was totally unprepared for. It was bugging me, that out-of-focus dialogue, that droning noise, that curiously familiar and annoying sound effect. The unwavering truth of it all. I dont continue to relive those C-section complications. And I didnt quit tallying up the total until I reached the end of the register. He also doesnt seem to get much entertainment sitting next to me in the high chair, watching me dig through my file box of 07 papers, scribbling things down on my worksheets. And my savings, over eleven. By Julys entries, I was starting to see some humor najat vallaud belkacem salope putas lleida in this. Somehow, a little organization makes me feel like I wont be in such a state next year. I dont know how or when it happened.

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Just get it done. I resolve that next year, Ill knock em out as soon as January rolls around. Something funny happened along the way. Of course. I aint got none. I cut to the chase and adjusted my books to agree with the banks. And yet, I continued on, crunching these ridiculous numbers. All I want is coffee, cigarettes, chocolate and sex. It was the check I wrote to the hospital for Leonards birth. This year has been a unique challenge in that Leonard, now 5 months old, doesnt really appreciate me spending hours away from him (let alone 30 minutes even if Im just in the next room.

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